For the heck of it, I decided to watch the latest episode of Stargate: Universe. This week’s episode was called ‘Earth’. Much to my surprise, I actually liked this episode. I’ve been trying for weeks to get into this show with no success. I’m not sure what made me watch this week but I was pleasantly surprised. We’ve been hearing how Stargate: Universe was to be subtle, nuanced and have compelling character interaction. So far, I haven’t really felt that but this week, something changed. It was as if we were asked to tolerate previous episodes just to get to this one. This episode was written by Martin Gero. He wrote a lot of the premieres and finales for Stargate: Atlantis. He as also responsible for the episodes “Grace Under Pressure” and “McKay and Mrs. Miller”. Well done sir.


This week, it is made obvious that Colonel Everett Young had a relationship (affair?) with First Lt. Tamara Johansen and that it is a sore point with his wife Emily. It could also be the reason that Johansen was leaving her post before being stranded on Destiny.


Colonel Young and Camile Wray, the human resources exec for the IOA use the magic body swap rocks to visit Colonel Jack O’Neil and some other pencil pushers at “Homeworld Command”. I think it’s a fitting name change because a lot has changed since there was just a “Stargate Command”. It’s not just a rag-tag group of four going on adventures through the Stargate. It’s a galaxy-wide, multi-species effort and with that comes bureaucracy. I like that they’ve added that.
Young and Wray are taken to a board room and told that they are to drain Destiny of her power which will force it to fly into a sun to re-power. They will use the power of the star to dial the gate and get everyone home. Young voices his reservations. O’Neil pulls him into his office and tells him that Colonel Samantha Carter used to rattle off all sorts of technobabble that he didn’t understand on a daily basis but he went along with it anyway. In this scene, it doesn’t feel like O’Neil trusting one of Carter’s far fetched ideas, it feels like O’Neil is now a suit and bends to the will of pencil pushers. It’s funny yet sad to see our old maverick being a bureaucratic puppet. Colonel Young insists he can’t force people and will take a vote.
Wray is taken out for hotdogs with “British Guy From 24”. He tells her that he knows that she is career driven and if she wants to go further that she will manipulate the people on the ship into wanting to make this crazy experiment happen.


There’s chatter on the ship about trying this wacky plan. Dr. Nicholas Rush is against it. It is suggested that Rush is stalling every idea to get people back home because he doesn’t want to go back to Earth himself. He doesn’t convince people otherwise by constantly shooting down every idea and making sure that every component of the ship is checked prior to the experiment.





Colonel Young, Chloe Armstrong and Eli Wallace take a magic stone body swap vacation to Earth. It’s Eli’s first time using the magic rocks. He is impressed by the switch and says a seemingly throwaway line, “I wonder what they are doing with our bodies?” Colonel Young looks at him with furrowed brows. It is a perfect scene because of what happens later in the episode.
Eli decides to visit his mom but not tell her that it is really his consciousness inside of “Random Smart Science Guy’s” body. He manipulates his mom into baking chocolate chip cookies and schnitzel. He also learns that she really, really misses him and is actually proud of him. It is a tender moment.
Chloe thinks it’s a good idea to hang out with her friends but pose as “Cousin Liz from Out West”. She drags Eli along and they go to a trendy nightclub with a live musical performance by Janelle Monae performing her songs “Many Moons” and “Sincerely”. I’ve only seen Janelle in fashion magazines. I didn’t realize that she was a singer and a pretty decent one at that. I’m sure they chose her partly because she is a fembot on her album cover. Hell, I feel obligated to buy it just for the fembot alone.
Chloe became a drunken mess because she as “Cousin Liz” got to see first hand that her best friend was sleeping with her boyfriend. She had a meltdown and yelled at her friend and there was almost a cat fight. Chloe became such a stumbling drunk wreck that Eli took her home. They had one-on-one time in Eli’s car where she had the I-like-you-as-a-friend talk. Even though Chloe is a hot mess, Eli is a complete gentleman and a good friend to her that night. This is the first time that his character is actually likeable to me.
NOTE: It took me a minute to realize that we were seeing a modern singer’s concert on Stargate in a pretty cool looking club scene. I like this. I don’t want it every episode but it was something that we’ve never seen on a Stargate and it worked.





While Colonel Young, Chloe and Eli are frolicking and foot, fancy-free, Colonel David Telford has taken command of Destiny. He is ordering everyone to implement the wacky experiment. His first action as commander is to put Master Sergeant Ronald Greer in the brig. Either I haven’t paid attention (most likely) or they haven’t said what is between those two. Apparently it was something Telford deserved. (Instance #1 where Telford isn’t respected.) Telford continues to throw his weight around and forces everyone to comply with the wacky experiment. Rush keeps up his “ship-might-explode” routine and insist on space suited checks. Men get injured then Telford and Rush have a man-to-man over cafeteria food trays. Rush seems a little sensitive about Telford throwing him off of an earlier expedition. Telford thinks Rush is holding a grudge therefore making his judgment unsound. They unzip their pants and measure their penises. Telford claims his is longer and proceeds to drain the ship of power complete with a gratuitous shot of bullets ejaculating from the gun cannons of the ship.





Young as Telford visits Emily. She slams the door in his face at first but he begs more than any man has begged before on the face of the Earth. Emily gives in and lets him in the door with a deep, forgiving kiss. Young wearing the flesh of Telford made love to Emily. Telford may have never known about this toss in the sack if the magic stones didn’t malfunction when Destiny dropped out of FTL. The look on Telford’s face when he is taken from the control room into the throws of passion with Young’s wife is priceless. To the man’s credit, he just goes with it. Nice taking one for the team buddy. It only lasted for about a minute; the rock malfunction, not the sex. When Telford gets back to Destiny, he gruffly asks what happened. He looks around, starts to walk off and says, “We have to fix that.” Subtle but so funny; best dry-wit comedic timing ever.


After the second rock malfunction, Telford is fiddling with his wedding ring. He seems like a stern guy that does everything by the rules. He is probably feeling some guilt about what is going on between Emily and Young in his body. It isn’t clear if Telford has consented to let Young use his body in this way. (Instance #2 where Telford isn’t respected.)


Rush appears to be submitting to Telford’s will and going through with the wacky experiment. When it is time to start dialing the gate, things start to get intense and systems start failing. After it is obvious that the experiment has failed, Telford gives the order to abort. The program won’t shut down and it is apparent that Destiny is about to meet an explosive and deadly fate. Telford, “Random Smart Science Guy” and “Cousin Liz” leave the control room and practically run to the magic rocks so that they can get into their bodies back on Earth before they die a certain death on Destiny. After Rush confirms that Telford and crew are gone, he shuts down the wacky experiment revealing that the failure was all a rouse. (Instance #3 where Telford isn’t respected.) Pleased with himself and armed with a bird-who-ate-the-canary smile, Rush tells everyone that the ship isn’t going to explode and that they can carry on with their normal routine. The crew looks at him dumb-founded and horrified that he would do something like stage something like that without consulting them first. It is the first episode that Rush was funny, likeable and a bit of a hero. It was a little Rodney McKay.


Young tells “Homeland Command” that Rush fixed the problem after Telford cut and ran. Young gets a spine and tells them that the crew will have limited communication via the magic rocks but wants to allow the civilians on board to have personal visits. “British Guy from 24” tries to use personal visits as a bargaining chip but O’Neil cuts him off and allows it. (O’Neil FTW!) Back on the ship, Young gives an inspirational I-am-your-leader speech. Afterwards, he asks Eli to spy on Rush.


The episode ends with Telford as Telford showing up on Young’s wife’s doorstep. Was he there to confront her? He could have been there to bribe her and Young for using his body in an unsanctioned way. OR they could already be involved; Emily’s revenge for Young’s affair with Tamara. Either way, I gotta tell ya, if my significant other came in the form of Lou Diamond Phillips, I might do him too. It’s Lou Diamond Phillips for crying out loud.


‘Earth’ was carefully woven and expertly coordinated. The characters expressions and tone were spot on. The shots were always right and the new mysteries and drama were compelling. This is what I was looking for out of Stargate: Universe. You did it this week guys. Bravo!


Stargate Universe airs every Friday @ 9/8c on SyFy.
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